One of the worst things that can happen in a person’s life is when there are things that are terribly wrong and they have no clue as to what is going on. Its October 2009 and I literally felt like the woman with the issue of blood in Luke 8. I had gone to an urgent care doctor, my primary care doctor, and now on my way to see a cardiologist and nobody could definitively tell me anything. Nobody was saying: “You have this, lets do this and you will start improving.” I was getting worse every week.
We got to the cardiologist where they did an EKG test again, and again it came up that my heartbeat was terribly abnormal, so they proceeded to do an echogram, a test that looks in your heart to see whats going on. They did the test and the cardiologist said: “Your heart looks fine but its very weak right now” (whatever that means) I remember going back to his office and him giving me this diagnosis thinking to myself that I was really in bad shape. They didn’t know if my abnormal heartbeat was something that I have always had (I had never had an EKG before) or was it something being brought on by something else. However what made it worse was the Cardiologist next comments to me. I was already feeling terrible, physically and mentally. He says (I will NEVER forget this): “Well your the doctor said you have Lyme Disease huh? Well I don’t know too much about that, so I guess that’s what you have, but one thing is for sure, you look like sh*t, I you look terrible! But all I deal with is the heart, I don’t know about Lyme so make an appointment to see me in a couple of weeks so we can check your heart again. What?!? I just paid you $35 to tell me something that I already knew? So I return home again, with no real answers. I am, at this point, in 24 hour constant pain that I literally cannot describe, extreme fatigue, nausea that makes me feel I am about to throw up constantly, and I can’t walk.
I will be totally honest, at this point, I had lost ALL respect for doctors. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate doctors and I have friends who are doctors. However, at the point where I was, where no one was helping me I didn’t trust them much anymore. Its not the best position I understand to be in, but hey, thats where I was. Yet it taught me a huge lesson. God taught me that most of us trust people, systems, and things that by nature are prone to let us down! I had so much trust in doctors to help me get better that I had forgotten Who could make be better in an instant. If you were asked today: Do you trust God? Most of you would say of course I do! However, I have learned that trust can really only be determined after it is challenged. In order for you to say that you fully trust something or someone, it must be tested or put up against something else.
There are many of you who can now say that you trust God because your faith was put to the test against a financial problem, a relationship, or a hardship in life. After all, how will you know how much you really need Him unless there is something in your life that questions His power in your life? And for most of us, when difficult things happen in our lives, it is often an indication of how far away from Him we really are. So do you really trust God or do you just like telling people that you are a believer?
Stay tuned…my world in 2009 hasn’t even gotten real yet…I challenge you today to trust God!